I am a Mom, and I Don’t Know it All

As a teenager, I used to watch television commercials, which portrayed the mother almost like a superhero who knows exactly what the entire family wants without anyone expressing themselves. I too aspired to be this superhero when I became a mother. However, I realized that it is not very easy, and it is definitely not possible to know everything.

For centuries, society has stereotyped mother as the ultimate caregiver. This pressurizes them to believe that they should know it all. A mother reprimands herself if misses on a sign and is constantly gripped with the fear of failure and being judged.

At times, the society fails to understand that we mothers too are normal human beings with our own limitations. There are times when we don’t exactly know when our children feel hungry or what therapy to follow when they have a stomach pain.  We learn from our experiences, our surroundings, our mistakes and of course by asking others. So, if I am asking other mothers how to potty train my child, it does not show my ignorance, but my willingness to learn from other moms, who probably have been in my shoes and can share helpful tips. No one knows it all, and instead of criticizing the mother it is a chance for the family to support her in the journey of raising her child well.

A short film developed by All Out for their #MujheSabNahiPata campaign- https://www.facebook.com/AllOutIN/videos/256425565275319/ has accurately captured a mother’s dilemma prompted by social pressures. A story that resonates with all moms, the film gives out the message that it takes a tough mom to admit that she doesn’t know it all.

I could relate to the film as it reminded me of my own #MujheSabNahiPata moment.  When my daughter had not begun talking till her 2^nd birthday, I was held responsible and often judged as a careless mother, who cannot train her child well. I still recall that guilty feeling which clouded me all the time, making me doubt my capabilities as a mother. Though things have worked themselves out my daughter speaks fluently, I can’t help but wonder what went on in the minds of those who were quick to judge me. That helpless feeling when someone holds you responsible for something you didn’t know is certainly terrible.

At a recent event organized by All Out for its campaign, noted personalities converged to discuss this standard social conditioning and the constant pressure that all moms go through in India. They delved into how in a constantly emerging world of threats, mothers often do not get a chance to pay heed to smaller things like a mosquito bite, which could cause a deadly disease like dengue. This is mainly due to her focus on bigger responsibilities. I was particularly impressed by the easy tips given by one of the panelists, pediatrician Dr Samir Dalwai’s which were focused around symptoms to watch out for e.g. is the child less energetic than usual, is he/she eating less than usual.  Listening to noted actress Sonali Bendre, who is also a mom, share her motherhood journey and highlight the importance of the campaign and celebrate tough moms who admit #MujheSabNahiPata was a riveting experience.

The audience which comprised of mothers like me were highly engaged in the conversation and participated by sharing personal anecdotes and their #MujheSabNahiPata stories. I was glad to meet like-minded people who kept judgment out of the room and gave me the courage to admit #MujheSabNahiPata without feeling guilty about it.